My heart feels so heavy tonight. I came across yet another mother who lost her son to NB. This is the second time. I then proceeded to stalk her page for the next hour to see how similar their journey was to ours...looking for some sort of comfort - perhaps her son didn't respond as well, or he ran into other complications. None of that matters though. We will either win or not. The cancer will be gone. One day it will be gone. He won't be in pain anymore. I just really hope (selfishly...I think...) that it will be gone with him here. I will get to see him go to kindergarten and learn how to swim and play soccer and play piano. I can not even fathom the pain of not having him here. My body literally hurts when I think about it. My chest. He has the best giggle and I can't imagine not hearing that anymore.
I hate cancer.
Today, he is doing maybe a little better. He is still on GCSF and his ANC is 2000. Crazy.
I wasn't expecting that. I thought we'd hang out at 0 for at least a few days. It was just 0 for one day. He is still in pain. Restarted feeds. I'm not there today so I could spend time with Dylan and Cecilia.
I'll be able to gauge how he's doing a little better tomorrow.
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